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Hey everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. My name is Jacob. Today we’re gonna be talking a little bit more about my call to Bible college, and specifically I’m gonna be giving you guys an update on how I’m doing just a little bit before I go leave. This is actually a week before I move into. My apartment at school, I’m moving on August 9th, and so there’s a lot of emotions running in different thoughts and God’s provision that I wanted to share with you guys If you wanna learn more about my call to Bible college, I’m actually going to Reformation Bible College in Sanford, Florida.

You can learn more about that whole story and how God called me to that. In a previous podcast episode back in May, it’s called The Story of My Call to Bible College. Go listen to that if you want to. And then a few weeks ago I did another episode called Prayer Trust and the wonderful grace of God’s provision and That’s obviously about God’s provision, but specifically how he has provided for my Bible college and really in a car which is one of the needs that I had.

And so if you want, if you’re interested in that, you can definitely go listen to that. Like I said, those are previous episodes, but today I really wanted to share. How I’m feeling before I go for three groups of people. The first group of people that I was thinking about is the people that could be doing something like this right now or in the future.

So I really wanted to make this episode to be an encouragement to those people because there’s some emotions that I’m sure that. People that were doing the same thing or are doing the same thing or will do the same thing as me might be feeling it. So maybe it’ll be an encouragement to them to be like, okay, this guy, he’s felt the same feelings before.

Same as me, and I’m not alone in this. I. And the second group of people that I’ve been thinking about is obviously everyone else. Because even though you might not be doing the exact same thing that I’m doing, because God calls us to a vast amount of different things, it still is incredibly encouraging to seek God’s provision and his love and his kindness, and his patience through others, people’s other people’s lives because those aspects of God, those attributes of God.

They obviously apply to everyone in Christ. I mean, that who is who God is. And so I was hoping that that would also be an encouragement. And then lastly, the, the last people group is me. So just one person. I, I would love to be able to come back to this podcast episode in a few years and look back and see how I was, look at all my fears and everything and really, you know, be able to see how much I’ve grown.

Hopefully I’ll grow in that amount of time. So we’ll see. But yeah, I guess overall the, the main point of this episode is to be an encouragement because it has been incredibly encouraging to me. So, like I said, I leave next week. Again, I. I’ve done an episode about my call and the struggle of the call and everything about that in a previous episode, but I do wanna share a little bit about just the struggle that I’ve been having with it because it is crucial to the story.

And it, it, it’s crucial to what God has done in me. But I’ll go very quickly. I guess the, the basics is, is that I was homeschooled since seventh grade. I love my family very much and I did not want to leave them at all. I was. Incredibly sad to leave them. Whenever I learned, or whenever God called me to it to Bible college.

I. Of course wanted to go learn more about God, and of course, knew that I didn’t really have much more of a choice than just to go to Bible college since he had called me to it. So I did have those things at the forefront of my mind, but I was incredibly sad to leave my family. I love my family.

I never ever wanted to leave them. I, I thought maybe I might move like an hour or two away at most, but always within driving distance where I could go visit them on a day if I wanted to or, or whatever it was. I never expected to move states. We live in South Carolina, never expected to move states.

And so I never wanted to leave them. I love them very much and that’s something that I started to realize. I got called in October. I started to realize in November and December and January that, you know, I love my family. Maybe more than I love God and loving your family’s great. I mean, that’s definitely a attribute of a Christian and something that we’re commended to do.

But not more than God. And so I started to realize that, and over the past few months, I have greatly grown in that area. And I still love my family a lot, but I, I would say that I have been able to grow to not where I love my family less so I can love God more, but I just love God more and I love my family more too.

But I, I, I just love God more than my family. And that’s a really hard thing to do. I’m absolutely not perfect. None of us have arrived to that final stage, but I definitely have seen growth in that area. So, yeah, I, in addition to that, I also, my entire life since I can remember, have struggled with pretty intense social anxiety.

I do not like really being around people, especially in public or people I don’t know. That’s not the reason I was homeschooled. The reason I was homeschooled is because my mom call was called to it, but, It definitely helped that situation. ’cause I was, I went to public and private school before seventh grade and I just did not like it.

And especially now, I, I just don’t, I’m, I’m just still very socially anxious and that’s something that I pray about and I, I. Have asked God to take away from me for years, but it hasn’t come about yet. And so, you know, I’ll keep on fighting it. But either way, I am very socially anxious. And so whenever I realized that I was being called and, and I actually was moving to Florida, which I don’t know anyone in Florida, I don’t know a single person that lives in Florida.

Mu much less Sanford and that I was gonna be going to a school and living in an apartment with other people. That was something that my social anxiety really started to get stirred up, especially in around January to February whenever I started to realize that this was actually happening. And so in, in those times, in January and February, I was.

So anxious about it, and I was terrified of this moment right now, this moment that I am living in because I was like, if I’m this anxious right now, I cannot imagine the week before or the month before or two months before or, or whatever it is, because. Usually I get super, super anxious about things weeks in advance.

I, I’ll, I’ll, I’m not kidding, like I will be thinking about it for weeks and it’s something that I do not like, something again that I said I, I have been asking God to take from me. And it really is just a trust issue with God is have to trust him more. But anyway, I just expected that to be something that I would deal with around this time.

But, Here’s the thing, I’m not, and that is very strange to me. I knew I was gonna make this podcast episode for a few weeks now. I really wanted to but I’ve been a little bit hesitant because I don’t really know how to describe how I’m feeling. It’s an emotion or maybe a combination of emotions I’ve never really felt before and I didn’t really know how, how to describe it.

So I’ll try to do my best. I am very incredibly excited to go, which was not at all what I expected. I was expecting to be nervous, like out of my mind. And I am very excited and I, by of course, I am incredibly grateful to God for that. We’ll get in that in just a second. But at the same time, I’m also really not wanting to go because I don’t wanna leave my family.

The best way I can describe it is a few nights ago as I was going to bed, I was like, God. I don’t know how I’m gonna do this. Like, thi this seems like a whole other life. This seems like something that I, there’s no way I could do. And I was just thinking and you know, a Holy Spirit maybe provoking in me.

Like, do you not want to go? Like, do you wanna stay here and not go to R B C? And I’m like, no. Like I have to go, like I want to, I have to. I know that I have to, because if I didn’t, I would be disobeying God. And I also have this excitement in me that is really excited to go. So no, I, I don’t wanna stay. And then it’s like, Do you wanna stay with your family or do, do you wanna leave your family?

And I’m like, no, of course I don’t wanna leave my family. So it’s like, I want to go, but I also want to stay. And unfortunately that’s not possible. I can only be one place at once. So it’s a very strange feeling regardless. I would say that I have been so incredibly grateful and astounded, shocked by the amount of excitement that God has put in me.

And I know that I cannot convey or get like transfer emotions from me to you. I wish that I could so that you could feel it, but I think the reason I, I discovered this a few days ago while talking it through with a few people, I think the reason. That this emotion feels so strange is because it’s foreign, because in my body, in in Jacob Calvin’s body, in his mind, he wants to be anxious.

He wants to be so incredibly anxious and worried about every little detail and be freaking out about this. But there is a foreign emotion in me that is actually making me incredibly excited instead. And that feels really weird to be feeling that, I don’t know, I’m not gonna say battle, but that, that just those foreign emotions coming in.

And I realize like the reason that I feel so strange is because I’m not the one producing these emotions. And I know that’s really strange to say, but like I truly believe that God, the Holy Spirit has in me, been working in me to. Produce these emotions that you know are easing anxiety and building excitement to do something that God has called me to do.

And really honestly, over these past few months, while of course I’m still incredibly sad to leave my family, I have been. Almost, I say this in quotes, anxious to go like, I, like, I want to go, like, I’m on the edge of my seat. Maybe anxious isn’t the best word in the context that I’ve been talking about, but I’ve been, I’ve been on the edge of my seat like, Ready to go because I know this is what God has called me to do.

And so any this like time? Well, it has been great and I’ve been incredibly grateful that God has given me the opportunity to know that I’m leaving before I am and be able to spend almost an entire year with my family and really be able to enjoy them still. This time has been a time of kind of, An intermediate waiting stage where I’m just, I know what I’m called to and I just gotta get there, and next week is whenever I get there.

But I wanna give God all the glory for this because I know some of you guys do not know me personally, but if you know me personally, having excitement over something like this and very little anxiety is incredibly. Not of my character or who I am, like I’m not joking at 21. I sometimes get nervous to order food at a restaurant like this.

Anxiety has been controlling me for a while and God has been. Infiltrating it and I, I wouldn’t even necessarily say that he has completely taken it away ’cause that anxiety is still there and I’m still incredibly nervous about the different as some different aspects of it. But overall, he’s almost replaced that anxiety with excitement and just, Joy over what I’m about to be able to do for him.

And this school is gonna be difficult. Like I’m expecting to be reading 24 7 and studying and writing papers and stuff like this is gonna be really difficult. This is gonna be something that I’ve never done anything like this before, ever. I mean, I went to a, a local technical college and I had to write some papers for there, but they were, they were easy.

And this is not gonna be easy. And so I’m planning on this being incredibly difficult. Academically and also emotionally, spiritually, maybe even physically. Definitely financially, this is gonna be a struggle, and I know that I’m not expecting this to be sunshine and rainbows and roses the whole time. I’m, I’m expecting it to be really difficult and.

It doesn’t matter because this is what God’s called me to and by his grace, which I do not deserve, and he certainly did not have to do this. He has given me excitement and joy over what I’m about to do. One other thing that I wanted to share that I s it was a sermon that I listened to about two days ago, two or three days ago that I wanted to share with you guys.

A sermon by John Piper. I love John Piper. I, I literally, as soon as I got saved, within a few weeks to months, I started listening to his podcasts. I, I love John Piper. But it’s a sermon from November of 2012. It’s called Living by Faith and Future Grace. And I, I, I wasn’t necessarily looking for a sermon like this whenever I was looking up for something to listen to while I walked the neighborhood, but it came up either way, and it is exactly what I needed.

What’s so funny is that it’s actually exactly what my parents have been talking about, and the whole point of it is God will give you the grace when you need it, and. I’m probably gonna butcher this illustration. Definitely go listen to the sermon. Like I said, it’s called Living by Faith and Future Grace.

You can find it on desiring god.com. But this illustration that Piper gave of life is, A river and the river is grace. And basically you’re standing right at the top of a waterfall and the river’s running towards you, and as the river is running towards you, it’s, it’s going over you and then down the waterfall into like this lake of past grace.

And you’re able to look back down to that past grace that’s growing every second and say, look what God has done, done for me. But you’re also able to see the grace that you’re in right now. And the grace that’s coming in the future because the stream, the river is always flowing and it’s always coming.

And o one thing that he was talking about is, you know, we like to think of grace as like, you know, like, like for going to R B C as something like that, he’s gonna help me make friends there, or he’s gonna help me with my academics there. Which is absolutely true, that that is grace. But also there is an abundant amount of grace in this second.

And this second and this second. Every moment that you’re alive is by grace. Because as the Bible teaches, we’ve all fallen short of the glory of God, and that means that we all deserve hell. So if we got what was just, we’d be in hell right now, and the fact that we’re not in hell, but we’re breathing and we’re listening to a podcast is.

Grace. The fact that you haven’t had a heart attack or a bomb hasn’t exploded and killed you is grace. That is grace from God. And so you can see how big this lake is. But also one more thing about past grace is a part of that lake, a massive part of it. Basically takes, takes up the whole lake is 2000 years ago whenever Jesus died on the cross.

So we can look at past grace before we were even born, and that’s a part of our lake. But again, we can also look at the future grace coming up. And that’s what’s been really good for my situation is I’ve been asking God, you know, like I said before, How am I gonna do this? Like how in the world am I gonna do this?

I don’t feel prepared for this, even though I don’t see any other way that I could have prepared. I don’t feel prepared for this. And God is almost like, why would I give you the strength to do something that you need to do in the future? So, for example, me moving in and spending the first night out of my house in 21 years on a next Wednesday, why would God give me the strength to do that today when I’m not doing that today?

He, he gives you the grace when you need it because that’s when you need it. So I can look down the river that’s just right in front of me and I can see that grace coming. And here’s the thing. We have to have faith that it is coming. We have to trust that it’s coming, and that’s what’s been so good for me is in my life.

The past few months of me just been freaking out sometimes over mainly financial stuff, but also just leaving my parents and, you know, not knowing how to live by myself for the first time. Even though I’m 21, it’s, it’s, it’s still scary. I, I don’t know what I’m doing at all. Either way I can look at that future grace and I can trust like, This is what God has called me to.

I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, like I know that without a doubt because of what he’s done in my life to prepare me for it. And the call that he’s put in my life, I know that. So knowing that I know that he’s gonna get me through it. Not that, not that I’m saying like, I think that this time at school is gonna be something we’re just day by day, I’m about to die, but God just, I just barely survive by the skin of my teeth.

That, that’s not what I’m saying. Like, I, I’m hopeful and expecting this is gonna be just one of the best things that’s ever happened in my life. Ed educationally with relationships, just everything. But God, I, I have to trust. God has me where he wants me because he does. And whatever happens if I drive down to Florida next Tuesday and I explode in a fiery car crash and I never even get to R B C, that’s exactly what he wants for me.

Now, my parents and my family may not understand why that happened, but it happened and that’s what he wanted. Now, obviously, God willing, that won’t happen and, and I’ll get to school and you know, the different hardships and joys that come throughout that, that’s exactly what he wants from me. So whenever I start freaking out about finances and, and whatever, I just remember God has called me to this, and if he wants me to go, I’m gonna go.

And if I go this first academic year, And then the next academic academic year, I can’t pay for it, then I can’t pay for it and I can’t go. And he just wanted me to go for one year and you know, I have to go work at Publix or something. Like it’s not the end of the world. He has me where he wants me. And that’s the thing is I have discovered a massive aspect of faith where you have to have faith, not only in.

What God has done in the past in Jesus, and what he’s doing in the present, but also what he’s doing in the future. And that’s hope. And, and, and that’s, that’s trust and faith. And I mentioned this in, in my previous episode on how I got called every year my family does a word. Each one of us choose a word that we think is something that we wanna focus on this year and this year, my word was trust because I knew that I needed it.

And let me tell you. I have not put that in me at all. God has put that in me. I, I, I couldn’t put this level of supernatural. Like I said, it’s external trust and joy and excitement. God has put that in me, but I have been reading my Bible and I have been praying, and that’s all I can do. I am trying with every ounce in me to be holy as God is holy.

I. That’s perfection, which is not easy, and I fail probably every minute, but I’m trying, and I’m trying to do God’s will and I’m, I’m trying to do what God has called me to do and, and that’s all I can really do. We live this life. On a day by day basis, like Jesus says, like tomorrow has so many worries of its own worry about today and what today holds.

And so not that we don’t prepare, but we also don’t need to be super anxious about what’s coming up. ’cause we have no idea what God has in store for us. One last thing, a part of the sermon that Piper was doing, he, he was giving different, Verses that you can kind of clinging to. There are verses in the Bible that are promises from God.

Hopefully we’re all aware of this, but if you really think about that, like I, I knew that, but thinking about that, like this is almighty God making a promise to me, which does not have to be redeemed by me. Meaning like I don’t have to cash this promise in, in order for it to work. Like these promises are active right now.

And so he was going through some of the examples. In, in the Bible of some, some of his promises, for example, one of them is, my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches and glory in Christ Jesus. That’s Philippians four 19, and we can actually look at that promise and say, okay, like that applies to me.

Not that I’m, if I ask for a Tesla, he’s gonna drop one off at my front door. We know that. But he, he gave a few examples, I think six of ’em and. They were all great, obvious promises that I could use my whole life, but I was really looking for a specific promise for my time now, and I couldn’t really think of one.

The next day, my mom, I, I told her about the sermon, but I didn’t tell her that I was looking for a promise and the next day my mom sent me a verse. It is Matthew 1929, which is literally a promise of. What I’m about to go through. So I’m gonna read that really quick again. This is night Matthew 1929.

It says, or Jesus says, and everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters, or father or mother or children or lands for my namesake will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. And there’s a promise. Literally out of the mouth of Jesus, of exactly what I’m doing right now. Now, of course, God willing, I’m gonna see my family again.

I’m gonna see him in October, for goodness sake. So I’m not leaving them forever. And, and I know that, but this time is gonna be really difficult. And if I can have this verse to clinging, to receiving a hundred fold inheriting eternal life again, right out the word, right out the mouth of God, right out the mouth of Jesus, that.

Brings so much trust because I’m trusting that what Jesus said is true, that what I’m doing is a part of God’s will and that he will reward me for it. Not that the sole motivation behind me going to R B C is future, future eternal rewards. My main motivation is because God’s called me to it. If I set my hope also in these promises that God has given, that’s trust.

And I think that’s great. So hopefully this can be an encouragement to some of you guys. I’m very excited. I’m very nervous, as you could expect. I’m definitely gonna be sharing how my experience there goes. I don’t know if it’ll be in podcast form or just on Instagram. But. Either way. I, I, I could absolutely use your prayers.

I’m really excited, but I, I’ve said that so many times. I’m really excited. But again, there, there are concerns as always, just especially in my mind. So yeah, I, I could always use prayer again. I’m very thankful for what God has done, praise God, glory to God for what he has done in my life. But anyway, I hope that this has been encouraging to you guys.

If it’s not, then. I guess I didn’t waste too much of your time. Anyway, all glory be to God. Literally everything, everything is under him and I praise him for that. And thank you guys for listening. I guess I’ll see you guys in the next podcast episode or, or wherever, wherever else I see you. Yeah.

Alright, I’ll see y’all later. Bye.